Teaching your Children the Gift of Giving

The holidays bring so many wonderful opportunities for us to enjoy our children, share in their delight and (sigh) feel like their personal shoppers. Sharing with others can be the farthest thing from your child's mind on any given day, but it is conspicuously absent when your tech-savvy 5-year-old is texting you hyperlinks from his iPhone with the exact color, make and model of the toys he wants. 

I want my child to be genuinely EXCITED about giving to others. SO, rather than focusing on and trying to stomp out those tendencies (covering our ears and thinking -- Aughhh! I've created a monster!), focus on stoking the sparks of generosity instead.

While some children are naturally aware and generous, many are not. Just as other skills that we'd like our children to have (cleaning their room, saying "thank you," putting the orange juice back in the fridge after they have some, and not drinking from the carton) need to be taught directly, so too with generosity. Don't dwell on or project negative ideas about the fact that your child isn't a "naturally" thoughtful person, instead focus on the opportunities to help him become one.

In my experience, the best way to enable this giving behavior is to model it myself. I recently took a trip with my 3 boys to Target, where we picked out items of a wish list for the Ronald McDonald House of Charity.

                                            


This isn’t the first time they’ve been a part of this kind of Target run, but I always make sure to open the door to generosity by making a connection. "You know how special it feels to get presents? You are so excited to open the box and see what's inside. We are very fortunate that we can have lots of presents, but some children's families can't. 

So, we want to help them get to feel that excitement too! Can you be my helper?" Get them thinking about others' needs: "What do you think would make a special gift for another child? Do you think they'd like the same things as you? Different from you?" Welcome any replies -- keep it positive.

If you are shopping for toys or clothes or even food to donate, give your child a budget and let them shop. Going to a toy store with someone else's needs in mind can be a great experience. Shopping for a particular family -- as many organizations are looking for families to provide gifts for the holidays -- gives your child a great opportunity to put himself in someone else's shoes and think about what they may want.

Remember to Demonstrate generosity yourself.  Tell your child about efforts that you personally, or those that your workplace organizes to help out those in need. Share with your child the good feelings that you had in making that contribution happen.

The Dream Maker Pros recently held a free event for the community called Pictures with Santa (WHICH WAS SO FUN!) where we collected donations for the Ronald Mcdonald House of Charity as well. My boys got to see first hand the hard work we put in to make this event be as successful and exciting as it was. 

Now let me be clear, you do not have to do some grand gesture to show your kids how GOOD it feels to give. I have each of my boys shop for one another and pick out thoughtful presents for Christmas. At the end of the day, it’s all about considering someone else’s wants other than yourself and what you want.

Having them do this is one of my favorite things about Christmas morning. The joy they have when they watch their brothers open up the gift that they hand pick for each of them is just heartwarming. That’s the pure joy we want them to feel. 

Our children can use our guidance and our example for learning how to share the goodness that we have. Creating opportunities for your children is like providing them with training wheels: the more they ride, the more they're going to see how good it feels, and then they'll take off on their own.

It feels good to do good. Here's to wonderful holidays for all!